The Day After posted a few days after

{Written 8-11-2011}

Yesterday I woke up at 5:30 a.m. with some mild cramping and some bleeding

{sorry if that is TMI-I don't mean to be rude}

I sat up and calmly prayed.

I knew what was about to face me this day.

I then preceded to French Braid my hair because I knew that this would be best for surgery.

The doctors office isn't even open at this time..

they don't even know that I will need surgery yet.

After getting my hair done-I prayed again for the doctors and my family

-but I couldn't fall back to sleep.

I had a gnawing pain in my back in in my abdomen-it was too achy to get to sleep.

So I grabbed my laptop to help pass the time until I could wake my family up and

get them to take me to the hospital .

Honestly, I was very tired..but the pain wouldn't permit me to sleep.

I went into what was to be our little ones room {baby #3's} and typed out the saddest news...

I am going to miscarry.

{tears came to my eyes as I realized so many life changing this were going to happen}

I hadn't told everyone of my heartaches that I had been dealing with

since I was 6 weeks along in my pregnancy.

It has been a long and dreadful!!

And even still not everyone knows "My story"

I preceded to spell out the dreaded news so that my friends and followers would know.

This helps to explain as to why I hadn't posted all that often throughout this pregnancy.

That baby was a miracle....a sweet miracle and yet a glimmer of hope

that maybe anther miracle could come along if God sees fit.

{warning a little more TMI possibly-but I want you to know some of "My Story"}

You see I have been diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.

It is a disease that affects your ovaries and makes it near to impossible to get pregnant.

After I had my son the 10lb 1 oz 23 inches Boy Wonder

I bled for the six weeks after and then

never had a cycle for about six years after that.

The doctor's didn't really do anything to help me....

they threw some medications at me-in hopes it would help me "cope".

I even have to take Metformin for the Insulin Resistance that PCOS can cause.

{I am very thankful that I don't have to test my blood sugar

or give myself insulin shots though!!! VERY THANKFUL!!}

The side effects of having PCOS is very cumbersome and annoying....

I saw light at the end of the valley when it was suggest that I go on progesterone for a little while.

I was amazed to find out that on the third month I was expecting!!!!

We were so excited-I couldn't wait until Father's Day to tell my hubby;

so I told him a week before-he was very excited!!

The weeks went so slow for me-with blood work almost every week...

and 3-4 ultrasounds.

And then after 10w4d of carrying the little one and 12w4d past my LMP

 the little life is no longer-but yet such a miracle in the first place!!

What a story and what an amazing page that makes in my life!

Oddly the Lord prepared my heart for this time in April.

I had a friend come all the way from Ohio to see me!

Her and I were getting to be close friends through different resources.

She had had a miscarriage at 15 weeks

and had to deliver her little one.

It had to been heart wrenching!

She had a dear friend take pictures and she shared these pictures with me.

It was very hard going through them and seeing the sorrow in their eyes.

I was praying the whole time asking the Lord for wisdom and why so many

people I knew have had this happen to them.

And I asked the Lord if maybe He was preparing me for this road in my life as well.

He had put all these different ladies in my life to help.

I am so grateful to Him for this gift of friends!!!

*******

Lydia will be here soon and I can't wait to hold her in my arms!!!

I know that I will cry & cry & cry for joy and for sorrow.

But I am so thankful that God is giving me my Lydia!!!

She is and will be my joy that comes in the morning!!

Maybe one day I will get to share the news of another pregnacy...and Lord willing

that babe will carry to full term.

Closing for now and praying for a quick recovery from my surgery.

Thank you for your prayers!!!